The Delicate Genius

He Will Only Drink Water That Drips From Leaves: If you give him a dish of water he will crap in it but won't recognize it as the same substance that he sucks off of leaves, and he will subsequently die of dehydration, standing knee-deep in water. His enclosure needs to be misted many times daily. At some point we'll spend some money on an automatic thing that does it for us, like that magic moment in the Produce Section when the spinach and zucchini get their misty spray.

He Doesn't Like Mist To Touch Him: And while you are misting the delicate genius' house several times a day, ensure that you don't mist him directly. Anecdotally, this has caused Dead Chameleon Syndrome to set in. His home is not that big... so he just creeps over to a corner and hates you until the spraying stops.

He Doesn't Like "Loud" Spray Bottles: And while you're spraying several times a day and taking care not to spray directly on him, please remember not to use a Windex-style spray bottle, since the repeated action of pumping the spray handle fills him with stress. People don't seem to know whether chameleons can hear or not, but whether sight or sound, he clearly hates the thing. Maybe it resembles some sort of bigger, angrier lizard somehow. His famous black-freckled, he-wants-to-die colour scheme pops up like magic at the sound of it. I had to go find another, kinder, quieter type of mister. I even pump it up in a separate room in case his majesty doesn't like that noise either.

He Cannot Have Glass Walls For His Cage: Because if he sees his reflection, he will think it is another chameleon and die of stress eventually.

He Should Not Have Dirt Or Bark On His Floor: Because he may suck up bits and pieces of it when he shoots his tongue at a cricket, and then he'll die of Wood Blocking His Intestines Syndrome.

He Cannot Be Handled Often: See post of a few days ago.

Extra Crickets Will Bite Him While He Sleeps: And then he may eventually die of aggravation. No kidding.

He Might Roast Himself To Death Accidentally: While they are still babies, their heat perception isn't fine-tuned enough and, if the sunlamp is too hot, they will lie there until they have third degree burns and eventually possibly die of Infected Third Degree Burns On Your Back Syndrome.

He Must Get Enough Vitamins: If he doesn't, we'll start noticing that his leg bones and his Hat Bone will grow curvy, which is a sign that he is dying of Metabolic Bone Disease.

He Must Not Get Too Many Vitamins: Or he may die of something else.

His Mesh Must Be Soft Enough For His Sensitive Toes: I went to Lizard Guy last night to stock up on crickets and I met a sick lizard with a toe infection and a dark brown (very attractive) stressed-out coloration. All his cage mesh must be coated with something that will protect his delicate toes. Also, when he's removed from his cage, you can't grab him, because he'll clutch at whatever he's hanging on to, and all his feet will break if you pull too hard.